The Mind of a Dead Joker

Second Best Advice

2011-06-15T02:55:00.000-07:00

In the midst of our many fights over the summer, when my friends could see how torn I really was even through the silence of infuriating words, a friend of mine said something to me,

"Sometimes, it's better just to say nothing at all."

It was that moment that I shut off my phone and had... just a minute... of peace.

Until I returned home to hear your indignation of how I could possibly ignore you... you had the audacity to say such a thing to me when you chose to secure your back turned towards me.

Yeah...

Sometimes, it's better just to say nothing at all.

A bit off...

2011-04-02T01:48:00.000-07:00

It all still makes me cringe...almost weep.

I wonder if you ever knew

2011-03-22T18:16:00.001-07:00

That I was enchanted to meet you.

5 years...

2011-03-07T02:14:00.000-08:00

We'll see...right?

Tonight

2011-03-03T14:34:00.001-08:00

I’m scared that these stars will hurt me (so what so what)
I miss the moment when I first met you (no more no more)
Bad when it comes to pain like that, I try to avoid it
But You know that I love you girl girl girl

But a Leap

2011-03-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

It's a jump, my dear.
You can always stay up there.

I jumped.

If you jump, I can guarantee to catch you, my dear.
We'll explore this place together.

I know many things up there are pulling you back.
Screaming for you not to jump.
I'm but a single person...just with many others here to help me.

I understand.

I hope you can realize what you want...before I get too old.
My arms grow tired, my feet, sore, from standing.
I get old, my dear.

It's but a leap.

Oh, but I know it's too late...
For both of us...
You're stepping back from the cliff,
And I am already lowering my arms.

Maybe in another life, my love.
Maybe in another life...

Like We Used To

2011-01-25T00:06:00.001-08:00

If Only, If Only

2011-01-19T23:48:00.000-08:00

The wood pecker sighs
The bark on the trees was as soft as
The sky
As the wolf waits below
Hungry and lonely
He cries to the moon
If only if only...

When The Love Falls

2010-12-24T03:01:00.001-08:00

When the clock strikes twelve, I know you'll be gone.

But I don't mind for now.

When the light loses its glow, I know I'll be cold.

But it's still burning, even if I know it can not last.

When the love falls, I know nothing will ever be the same.

But you're still here, even though I know you won't be for long.

Just a little longer, darling...

(Beautiful song)

Coolest Asians

2010-12-24T01:58:00.001-08:00

After a good night of partying, I needed a ride back to my city since public transit was shut down.

I car pooled with 3 really fobby looking Asians.
But they sang main stream songs.
Most awesome night ever.

Gratification

2010-12-13T06:02:00.000-08:00

Some people just don't ever get what they have until it's gone.
Entertainment, food, shelter, warmth, love, family, friends...

When there's something that can be proven, that can be justified or learned, learn it before you spew shit out of your mouth.

Smile

2010-12-06T17:37:00.001-08:00

I don't know why you crept up on me.
I don't know why you're here.
But I'm happy you're here.
More than happy.

It's an odd sensation.
Which I haven't felt in a long time.
Suddenly the dark winter sky is the sunset of that summer day.
Where my smile had another smile beside it.

I'd catch a grenade...

2010-11-24T13:36:00.000-08:00

Shit...

2010-11-22T04:55:00.001-08:00

There's a lot of shit I need to do, but I don't want to do that shit because there's other shit I want to do and now I can't remember all the shit I need to do. SHIT.

What to do...what to do...

2010-11-21T03:11:00.001-08:00

My final project for a class is...whatever I want.
Shit.

I'm going to do something about how I have conflicted priorities and the main message would be "The problem isn't necessarily how to do something, but rather, what to do".

Now I just need to think of some sort of script or something for this. Blast.

Soothe my heart, dearest mind.

2010-11-19T02:55:00.001-08:00

Oh, the sadness of it all, that the heart does control the mind.
Such emotions allows the mind to paint unto our eyes the very moment we are feeling.
Even with the darkness of the night, my eyes see the purple-orange dusk that day.
The reflection of color from my walls, shone through tears clinging unto my eyes.

The uneasiness of it all.
Oh, vivid memory, why must you haunt me so.
Such bloated eyes will turn sunken, for sleep does not touch my mind.

I've decided...

2010-11-16T03:08:00.000-08:00

I want a tattoo down my forearm saying, "Don't be afraid to lose."

Now to figure out the font.
And cost.

I'll deal with parents later.

3D Dance

2010-11-15T03:10:00.001-08:00

I want to fail you and just do well on other shit.

I fucking hate this assignment.
Shiiiiit.

Keys

2010-11-14T03:14:00.000-08:00

I find an odd comfort in knowing your password, still, after all these years.

You even forgot that you gave it to me.
But you could care less.
You still let me in.

Thanks.
Somehow...it makes me feel at home.
Even though the actual content isn't of any significance to me at all,
Having you trust me with the key is...well...even if I never use it, it's nice to know it still fits the door.

Because when I've lost everything else,
I still have you.

It seems so trivial, but...I guess, ever since I can remember, I've held such keys that people close to me have given.
When we parted, they'd change the lock, and I'd throw away the key.

Thank you...for always giving me something to hold.

You're wrong...

2010-11-13T21:49:00.001-08:00

You thought I missed having power...

No...I miss the fact that you cared.

Started Too Late

2010-11-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

I tattooed your name on my tongue

2010-11-13T18:59:00.000-08:00

But I'll deny my heart 'cause I won't live a lie.

I'm not nice; I'm honest

2010-11-09T01:01:00.000-08:00

Which is why I'm thankful for my friends.

The things my best of friends say aren't always necessarily nice towards me...but they're honest.
I know friends who'll tell me that...

I look fat in my jacket.
I'm disappointing and pathetic.
I'm a giant idiot.
My drawing is really off.
I really should get off my ass.

They're honest, which is good.
Just because it's good, doesn't mean it's nice though.
But who cares...I don't need someone to repeat and agree with everything I say all the time, else I might as well talk to a mirror.

It's what I love about my friends...the way they are to me.

Feels like people nowadays are so used to talking to a mirror that they can't understand thoughts of another person.

House of Cards

2010-11-08T02:19:00.000-08:00

You look magnificent, amazing, awe inspiring and astonishing.
You're an amazing feat made from impossibility.

You're grand, and you stand tall.
But that isn't saying much...

The slightest breeze will send a tremble through your entire core.
The smallest blow will send you crumbling to the floor.

At some point...our home, our heart, ourselves...will feel like a house of cards.

Ignite

2010-11-07T21:18:00.001-08:00

Hi, Katy Perry.
I love you.

Thank you.

"Why are you so bad?"

2010-11-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

And I'd reply, "Because it feels so good..."

I miss you.

Tetris'd Life

2010-11-04T01:18:00.000-07:00

I've played and loved Tetris ever since I was 9...and I still love it.
I played the old-school version, where there were no such thing as "items" and who the hell holds a piece?
And I think, in some odd way or another, my perception of life got Tetris'd.

Life's a game. You play it.
Don't smash the space bar and give up, fucking go for as long as you can.

Life's going to dump shit on you, loads of shit, random shit, of all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes, you can get them to fit together, sometimes they don't fit at all.
But somehow, some way, they're going to fit and clear out.
Making new room for more shit to fall.

There are no "items". That isn't luck, luck is in what piece of shit you get.
There are no "holds". You can't hold off something. You just got to put it down and deal with it.

But somehow, some way, they're going to fit.

Life goes fast.
Be faster.

Work Night

2010-11-03T03:16:00.001-07:00

It's 3am, I got three 3D projects to do...
It's cold, but I feel warm seeing my bbi kiss me :3

Show me the best, so I don't feel the worst.

2010-11-02T03:49:00.001-07:00

I realize now that...it would've been best if you had told me everything that was good.
Everything that made you smile, that made you laugh. Everything that made you happy.

Telling me about everything that was wrong made me feel like I was the better one...but it didn't make me feel any better.

It's true...if you truly love someone, you let them go.
No one said it was going to be easy, but it's the best for you and for them.

If you ask to be told everything that is wrong with your lover's new relationship, you'll simply feel the anger and frustration of your lover being mistreated, yet having no power to do anything.
If you ask to be told everything that is right with your lover's new relationship, you'll be greatly hurt but you can at least smile that it was the right choice for your lover to be with someone better...
Even if it's a lie.

It's better to let go knowing the love of your life is happy. Simply happy.
Than to hold on in anger knowing that the love of your life is mistreated.

I've passed that age...

2010-11-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

I've passed the age of wanting to find a girl to make out for fun, to have sex with for the moment.
I'm in the age of wanting to find a girl to take care of, to hold and love for my life.

But if all else fails, I'm always in the age to save up money, take a break from work, travel, and wake up remembering nothing.
People may think that its stupid to aspire to that...but no, it's not.
My work is my work.
My fun is my fun.
I'm grown up enough to handle the details, but will always be young enough to use those details for fun.

A picture's worth 1000 words

2010-11-01T05:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, if they screamed, I'm sorrowed by their efforts,
Falling upon deaf ears.

I really shouldn't be walking back and pressing my ear against them,
But I am...
Their screams have diminished in to echoes,
Reverberating what used to be there.

It's dedication beyond my comprehension,
And love, so strong, that it felt unbreakable.

Maybe I'm stronger than I thought...
But I never wanted so much strength.

If I could, I would, turn back and listen to each and every word.
I'd love to have a conversation...
I wish I could.

I've taught you...

2010-11-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

I've taught you how to speak,
But you must speak your own words.

I've taught you how to listen,
But you must decide what to listen to,

I've taught you how to stand,
But you must walk yourself,

I've taught you how to feel,
But you must live with it.

I am not here to dictate your every move or make complete clones of myself.
I'm here to show you what you can do.
It's up to you to figure out what you're capable of.

Understand me...

2010-10-26T15:08:00.000-07:00

I would never wish such pain upon anyone...
The pain of feeling lost even though you're still walking...
The pain and fear of not knowing whether or not you're walking in to paradise or damnation.

But I wish you would walk this with me...
Sometimes...
And understand how a little part of me turns to stone...each time I ask...each time I hear an echo.

"I want a future"

2010-10-26T01:09:00.001-07:00

Everyone has one.
Unless you die the next second, you will and you are having a future.

The only thing is, if that's the future you want.
But who knows what they want anymore...

"In sickness and in health..."

2010-10-25T02:14:00.000-07:00

In the state of excruciating pain and weakness,
You kissed my lips, told me to rest and did all that you could do to comfort me.

In that state, I could only hear a voice saying,
"To respect you in your successes and in your failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, to nurture you, and to grow with you throughout the seasons of life."

My friends may dislike you,
They may believe I'm blinded,
They doubt the love you have for me, or if you love me at all.

Withal honesty, at times, I doubt it too...
You can't say that I have no right to through your desires and actions...
But today showed me, it's love.

I just wish that it was enough.

You don't know...

2010-10-24T01:20:00.000-07:00

Are you fucking kidding me?
Really?

After all I've done, all I've been through, all that I'm doing.
Those smiles, those laughs, those moans,
You don't know?

Why the fuck do I even try.
Someone like that can already even out the indecision within you, against me.

Why do I even fucking bother.
Just why. Why do I do this to myself.
What did it matter if I tried all my best or gave the fuck up?

It's just an, "I don't know" in the end.

Life threw you a lemon.
A fresh, ripe, invigorating scented lemon.
But it rots.
You can throw glitter on it, but it's still a rotten lemon.

Where are you?

2010-10-24T00:37:00.001-07:00

Let me make you feel this way.

Sometimes...

2010-10-24T00:35:00.001-07:00

People speak of red hot rage...
Those who are truly infuriated know that they don't feel heat when they rage,
But complete and utter cold.

Because everything stops within that rage...even your heart.
It allows you to do the horrible deeds you wish to do,
The blizzard blinding courage that pierces your veins.

You shiver, not from the cold,
But from rage.

Among the Fields of Gold

2010-10-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

You can forget the sun in his jealous sky,
But will you remember me?

I'm not broke.

2010-10-18T22:01:00.001-07:00

At least not in money.

I'm a broken-hearted man, with a broken spirit and broken speech.
Broken strength and scattered courage.
I'm not broke. I'm broken.

I thought we could save it before the worst.
I realize now, we were already there...

You said to me back then, "You're still my sunshine, it's just right now, there's a cloud in front of you."
I thought it'd be true...if the clouds don't clear, we'll rise above it.
We couldn't and we can't.
There's no point for me to shine anymore.

Holding on to something you haven't got...

2010-10-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

But don't ever let go of what you always had - a spine.

Waiting...

2010-10-09T02:43:00.001-07:00

Please...Fix Me

2010-10-08T02:27:00.000-07:00

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

I am old...

2010-10-08T01:09:00.000-07:00

Maybe the media never got to me,
Maybe I just have different values and morals,
Maybe I am just really that old.

You said to me,
"I want to feel like I'm 20, not 35."

Sorry...I don't think I can wait another 15 years for you to catch up...
I hope you find the life you're looking for,
That excitement you're wishing for.

I hope it's all that you dreamed off and more...
And I hope that it will be worth what you have to lose.

You want dedication, yet would prefer to give none,
You want love, yet would prefer to love others.

All I want is somebody to love...and to put that love in to a future that can at least have hope of being there.

After the best, before the worst.

2010-10-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

But that's too late now...
We both gave up...
You never tried afterwards...you didn't want to.

--
We were sitting with our backs against the world,
saying things we thought but never heard,
oh, who would've thought that we'd end up like this...

A Time

2010-10-05T02:24:00.000-07:00

There was a time when I believed you were mine.
Forever?
Yes, forever.

That time has since stopped,
The hands never ticked from then on.

But using our hands to turn the cogs and screws...
Makes it look like we still have that time...
Doesn't it?

Oh, how I wish for it to be true,
Just a little hope, a little shock, a beat.
To bring that time back to life.

A living, breathing moment.
Not an animated corpse.

Busy Busy Busy

2010-10-03T00:21:00.000-07:00

Working on portfolio, along with its presentation, piled with homework and a fucking essay that I have yet to start. Fuck man.
Why the fuck do I still need to write an essay.

As if nothing's wrong...

2010-10-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

I need you, come back,
I want to tell you truthfully,
My heart's heavy fallin', where are you?

The promises I weren't able to keep still clings to my heart,
I worry 'bout you a lot,
I wonder if you stay up at night like I do,
I feel sorry again.

Like idiots, my regrets came too late.

I still wear the scars like it was yesterday...

2010-09-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

When's the day you start again?
And when the hell does you'll get over it begin?
I'm looking hard in the mirror
But I don't fit my skin
It's too much to take
It's too hard to break me
From the cell I'm in

Oh from this moment on
I'm changing the way I feel yeah
From this moment on
It's time to get a real

Cause I still don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Still wear the scars like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
Cause you're long gone
But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way
Still talk about you like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
But you're long gone, you moved on

So how'd you pick the pieces up?
I'm barely used to saying "me" instead of "us"
The elephant in the room keeps scaring off the guests
It gets under my skin to see you with him
And its not me that you're with

Oh from this moment on
I'm changing the way I feel yeah
From this moment on
It's time to get a real

Cause I still don't know how to act
Don't know what to say
Still wear the scars like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
Cause you're long gone
But I still don't know where to start, still finding my way
Still talk about you like it was yesterday
But you're long gone and moved on
But you're long gone, you moved on

No I can't keep thinking that you're coming back
No
Cause I got no business knowing where you're at
No

And its gonna be hard yeah
Cause I have to wanna heal yeah
And its gonna be hard yeah
The way I feel that I have to get real

I never found a song

2010-09-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

That describe my life situation so perfectly.
From the lines in the lyrics, to the music video.
Even the extra sounds in the video.

And it still causes tears to well up in my eyes.

It's a bitter-sweet experience,
A reminder to my life and death.

Some day I'll sing this to you...I don't know if I'll mean it though

2010-09-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

If I was all that I could be
Would you then love me
Despite the history
Stupid things, I know the shame

If this is the end of us
I'll sing you this goodbye song
But if you're a lonely girl
You might as well come on home

Come on
What will it take till you see these are better days
Come on
What will it take for you to find out the hard way

Quantity or Quality

2010-09-25T00:33:00.000-07:00

Everyone has differing values...sometimes differing values are what some of the problems are...but it's something that can be difficult to change...

I've always been asked, before,
Would you rather have:
a) Many many many friends who you can at least keep a conversation with or say, "Hi" to and hang out some times, but have no close friends.
b) Not that many friends, but the few friends you have are your best friends.

a) Many admirers and people interested in being your significant other, even for shallow reasons and even if you didn't love them.
b) One love who loves you unconditionally and you love them unconditionally.

I've always been choosing B.
I never chose otherwise...
Sometimes it's sad for me that people who are important to me choose A...
But what can I do...right?

I care, not about popularity, but loyalty.
I care, not about attraction, but love.

Might as well...

2010-09-23T00:35:00.001-07:00

Not like I have a love life...
Might as well waste my life away in work.

Because I think I might be...

2010-09-22T02:08:00.000-07:00

Heartless.

Keeping track...

2010-09-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

Of a million reasons.
Starting with 1...
Ending with 1, 000, 000.

Learning Digital Painting

2010-09-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

The hard way:
Restarting a project 5 times due to dissatisfaction and then going batshit crazy trying out a new technique and finally being content...but now I have to start from scratch.

Actions & Consequences

2010-09-19T00:38:00.000-07:00

Your actions are yours.
The consequences aren't.
But it is how you react to them.

This is the cycle of life.
The life of character.

As far as I know, i've single handedly ruined my life.
And the chain of consequences...well...
If I've dug myself deeper...
I'll get used to it...eventually.

Tetris

2010-09-17T02:52:00.000-07:00

Is so calming.

Just naturally fitting pieces together, or quick thinking.
Though some people have jackhammers for hands.
Wtf.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

2010-09-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

Some try to hand me money,
They don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just
A broken-hearted man
I know it makes no sense
But what else can I do?
How can I move on
When I'm still in love with you?

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin' maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving...

(Thank you Slapmebaby for introducing me to this song)

Dear Euge,

2010-09-08T02:19:00.001-07:00

You're an enormous fuckwit with the courage of an ostrich and the confidence of the socially awkward penguin.
I can't believe you are like this right now.
I would be happy if one of your friends just punched you across the face, because I definitely would.

You lack so much of a backbone, it's no wonder you suffer from scoliosis.
Why are you so god dam stupid?
You know exactly what's the right thing to do, yet your hopes rush in.
I hope to be a fucking millionaire, but I ain't going to let my hope of winning the lottery determine that, dumbass.
Now you question and regret it, but you can't seem to solve it EVEN THOUGH you've solved such dilemmas for your friends time and time again.

You ever thought of why you tell people to listen to your values/morals/words more so than follow your actions?
It's not because you're necessarily a bad person, but it's because you're a complete and utter fucking idiot.

You're a disgrace to all Sagittariuses, as much as he is.
You're on hold?
Face it, dumbfuck, you fell in to the ground and you're too fucking scared to pick yourself up and shoot.
You're lost? Then go ANYWHERE but HERE.
MOVE BITCH. JUST MOVE.

Destiny hasn't done jack shit for you, and it never will.
Just because it's her decision, doesn't mean it's yours.
You have to learn to be selfish some times, and that's exactly what I am, in moderation.
You just lie flat on the ground and let everyone step all over you.

She made her decision.
Now make yours.
If it's another regret on your part? Live with it, wussy.
If it's her regret? That's her fault.

YOU are in control of your own life.
YOU are the one making the decisions for yourself.
This life is for YOU.

And to all the other idiots out there who are as useless and pathetic as Euge is right now, remember this:
People's decisions don't define you, yours decisions towards theirs do.
In the end, it is always your choice, whether it's a hard one or not.
It's up to you to find the true value behind such hardships.

Sincerely,
Euge (2008/2009)

beLIEve

2010-09-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

I was thinkin' about her, thinkin' about me.
Thinkin' about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
When she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin' man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin' to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin' all about my baby.
Hey, she was so easy to love.
But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

Dear ungrateful jackass,

2010-09-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

You're a catalyst, a whiny little bitch and no fucking shit I hate you.
You were the trigger for all this, and the saddest thing is, fate put you there.

You were the vision to my broken future,
A little bitch, ungrateful for all you have that even your friends are sick of you,
You took the meaning of my life, the mind and heart,
And you destroyed a value I held so strong.

Your guilt and sorrows are so shallow and meaningless.
I hate you.
My friends and I would find such pleasure on breaking you in half.

I hate you, with such a passion.
It's sad that you always come back in to my mind.
Rage and frustration envelope me whenever I think of what you've done.

I take full responsibility for pulling the trigger...
But the saddest thing is,
Fate put the trigger there.

It's something about us...

2010-09-03T23:46:00.001-07:00

It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

The Ending

2010-09-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

I'll get the call, the message, the notification.
We'll see each other some day after,
Smile at each other, but quiver in realization.

I'll brush your cheek,
Give you a half-hearted smile,
Tell you we'll have everything...
In our memories.

I'll tell you,
"Everything will be okay,
Our futures will be beautiful,
Just...in their own separate ways."

I'll be there for you,
Just not with you.

I love you, my dear.
I'm sure you love me too.
But we'll never let each other know,
And I'll refrain from asking.

Maybe one day,
We'll return to the home
Which we built, inhabited and abandoned.

Maybe one day.

Ghosts of Romeos and Juliets

2010-08-31T00:36:00.000-07:00

One day, it'll stop hurting,
And you'll realize then,
If you can think about such matters anymore,
That you've become just another ghost,
Of Romeo and Juliet,
Roaming this world,
Without any idea of where your lover is.

Time will take its toll,
And you'll forget, altogether, of such a story, of such a person, and such a reality.
You'll be a ghost...and you won't even know.

When will you come to town?

2010-08-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

The new girl in town,
With the most amazing smile,
Eyes like sunsets,
Legs that would go on for days.

I'm going to fall in love,
I hope it won't fall apart.

Let me into your arms.

--
An allusion to a song that I'm trying to fix.

This is where you burn the pages.
Or remember the last happy moment there was, and call that the happily ever after.

--
When I meet you, I'll introduce myself by singing you "Superman" by Joe Brooks.
Because I'm no Superman...but I hope you like me as I am. :]

"My Style"

2010-08-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

I may not hang out with him much, but he always knows all the right things to say.

I'm Enjoyin' TODAY

2010-08-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

Nothing is perfect man, that's what the world is
All I know is I'm enjoying today

Gravity

2010-08-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight, a candle lights the room
Tonight, its only me and you
Your skin like gravity
Is pulling every part of me
I fall, you and I collide

And what if I stay forever
What if there's no goodbye
Frozen for a moment here in time, yeah
If you tell me the sky is falling
We'll see that the stars collide
The only thing that matters in my life
Is you and I tonight.

--
Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give ,I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

I should've known, took you and I for granted
Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded.
Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again.

30 Seconds

2010-08-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

I am offended and highly amused.
Bit hurt...but still highly amused.

The world stopped turning

2010-08-26T00:24:00.000-07:00

When I heard you say my name,
Our lips connecting like lovers,
Who haven't seen each other,
In a life time.

But even the world needs to continue turning,
And our moment has passed,
The voices come back,
And I can only gaze in to your eyes and wonder...

The world is moving...what about us?

I wonder...

2010-08-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

If you ask your parents, "What is love?"
What they will respond with...

Society is the new Shakespeare, my dear.
It'll write the most tragic stories,
And not even flinch at those who cry.

Paper Shredder

2010-08-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

Our story started with, "I love you."
And that's the only thing you remember.

You're shredding each page,
Starting from the end.

You see the lines,
I still see what's between them.

I'm excited to meet you!

2010-08-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

In the midst of all the frustrations of today, I caught myself sitting on the bus, staring mindlessly out the window and having a sense of excitement inside me.

I'm excited to meet you, my Future Lover.
It sounds stupid, extremely silly even.
But, oh, how I wonder...

How will we meet?
Where will we meet?
How did I say, "Hi."
Did I say it first or you say it first?
What would our first conversation be?
When will I realize that I've fallen for you, and you've fallen for me?
Will you like my corny lines that will always find their way to slip out?

I want to make you laugh and smile.
I want to make your heart flutter like mad.
I want you to melt in my arms and feel at home.

Oh, my dear, that day I meet you, I hope to be the shining sun that you were hoping for.

Pictures mean 1000 words

2010-08-23T23:01:00.001-07:00

Only when you write them.

You can send a picture without a single word at all.

Back then I didn't read enough, now I read too much.
Even when there are no words at all...

I wonder, if you flip a coin, between life and love, which will flash past your eyes in hopes of achieving.

So kiss me slow...

2010-08-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

Haven't drawn digitally in a while. Paint Tool Sai. Mmmmmm.

Face

2010-08-21T02:24:00.001-07:00

Put up an image,
A face,
For all to see,
Forget the meaning,
The feeling,
It's all about,
What you have to show.

Desaturated,
Once vibrant,
Beating,
Living,
Have lost their color.

Maybe I'm just colorblind.

We'll walk this path, but not hand-in-hand

2010-08-20T23:38:00.000-07:00

We walk without knowing,
Leaving behind habits and rituals,
Things we didn't have to think before doing.

Some things, we haven't let go of yet,
Others, we've dropped without knowing.
But when we reach for what isn't there anymore, we notice the emptiness.

Along this path, we'll pick up and drop many things,
And at some point, our path will diverge.
Maybe some day, somehow, our paths will cross.

We'll stand at the intersection, facing each other.
Look at what we have picked up over the years,
And what remained in our hands.

You see the man I used to be as who I am today.
I see the man I used to be as someone else.
He will never come back.
Please accept me.

Dear My Future Lover,

2010-08-19T00:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know where you are, or how we'll meet.
I don't even know what you look like, or what you will look like haha...

But I do hope that, when I meet you, it'll be a beautiful surprise.
It always is, isn't it?

I hope that you are patient with me, my dear.
I worry quite often that I'm too broken to be seen or understood, but I hope you can see past the small pieces and see the larger picture that should be.
I hope you spend the time, teach me how to love again and laugh with such passion in my heart.
Most of all, I hope you make my heart skip a beat each time we see each other.
Of course, I do hope my heart knows when to have some control some time, else we'll need to buy a defibrillator, and those aren't cheap.

I hope you love me, as much as I love you, and gosh, I hope you fix me well so that I may love you so much more than you do.
And I hope you never feel bad about it.

There will be times where it seems that one of us is taking more than giving, and of course, we'll have fights.
I hope you'll look a bit further and see that, we'll even out on the giving and taking, and we'll win those fights, somehow, someway.

I'll meet you some day, I hope I can promise that.
Maybe we'll meet each other in the middle.
I don't know when, I don't know where and I don't know how.
But I hope that, when that day comes, I can make you the happiest girl alive.

I can't promise that I won't make you sad sometimes, even sometimes cry.
I pray that you'll understand that it never makes me happy or even smile when I do.
I'm a hot-tempered person, and sadly, I do suffer quite a bit from PMS, but I will never be happy in making you sad. Never.
I can promise you; however, to try all my best to avoid all such events and, if I create any, I will do all my best to make you two times happier!

I'm sorry I'm not rich, or necessarily well off in money.
I certainly hope you're not the materialistic girl, or the brand-obsessed-whore. Though a bit is fine.
I pray that you can understand that, to me, objects are objects, and their price is not its value. I hope you can see that I love giving you valuable memories, more so than expensive objects.
With such memories, I hope that there will be many, many pictures of smiles and laughter, of silliness and passion; and trust me, I can make some really stupid faces, and I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I do.

Where ever you are, whoever you are, I do hope to meet you soon.
I can only wish that I'm not broken beyond repair when you find me.
Please have patience.
And remember,
I love you.

P.S. - Sorry to say, I have quite a high sex drive. Now isn't THAT awkward to admit. I hope you can withstand that too and keep me in check whenever it's needed.

Measure your life in love

2010-08-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

I heard this song sung by the choir that was in the year ahead of mine.
I was very, very sad that I didn't get to sing this when I was in choir.

We lived fast and died young

2010-08-18T18:58:00.001-07:00

Resounding

2010-08-18T13:22:00.001-07:00

The signal that will always wake me from my dream, is you saying,

"We're not even together."

You sneer at me,

2010-08-17T23:05:00.000-07:00

"It doesn't hurt any less, now, does it? Weak. You're not standing and fighting...you're simply ducking."

--

Someday, in a world far from this one...

'Cause tonight will be the night that I will

2010-08-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

Fall for you.
Over again...
Don't make me change my mind,
Or I won't,
Live to see another day...
I swear it's true.

'Cause a girl like you is impossible to find,
You're impossible to find.

--

You fall, but no one is there to catch you.
And each fall just breaks another bone in your body,
Until you can't stand.
Until you're spineless.

A bullet

2010-08-17T00:06:00.001-07:00

I wrote, a long time ago, somewhere...

When you fall in love with someone, you give them a gun with a single bullet inside.

If they love you, they'll shoot your head to shut your mind from all the logical reasoning concerning society and everything that may interfere through technicalities.

If they don't love you, they'll shoot your heart to let it bleed and drain, at least until it heals itself.

I'll revise though, for fuck sakes, just shoot me in the head whether you love me or not.
I need to stop thinking.

--

Another night of screaming, fighting, crying, yelling and breaking...
All inside my mind.
It's going to be another night where I try to sleep with a throbbing headache.

HAHAHAHAHA

2010-08-16T13:11:00.001-07:00

I don't know who this guy is, I just saw it on one of Communitychannel's comments, and I love him:

i once told my ex, right before coitus mind

you, that it was like a wet blanket "down

there". (referring to my flaccid whiskey

dick) i should have said wet noodle, cuz she

thought i met her puss and i got no action for

a week.

I need some...

2010-08-16T11:23:00.001-07:00

I'm not yours and you're not mine
But we can sit and pass the time
No fighting wars, no ringing chimes
We're just feeling fine

This is where we're supposed to be
Sitting by a broken tree
No tragedy, no poetry
Just staring at the sky

I could wait a thousand hours
Stay the same in sun and showers
Pick apart a hundred flowers
Just to be quiet

"I'm very lucky to have my crew."

2010-08-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Cancer

2010-08-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

This music video always made me cry.
Stupid ass copyright problems. This is the best quality I could get...it was either this or it not playing at all = =

Iori Yagami

2010-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

He may not be the most peaceful role model...
Or nicest...in general.
He's not a saint.

But neither am I.

I'll sleep every night looking in to his eyes,
And wake up every morning to his smirk.
I'll learn to be him...someday.

--

I'll help you shatter every bit left so that you don't have anything to hold on to.
It's the only way you'll ever be reborn.

MARIA

2010-08-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

Where is the person I should love?
That person who has been hurt?

Beginnings come at random,
but endings always have a reason.

This is not my own

2010-08-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

Is it yours?

It's okay. You can shut me out.

Degrade

2010-08-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

Why are you doing this to yourself?

"When you sleep with someone, you sleep with all their past lovers."
Odd...but true.

Tears of Joy, oh-so-sweet

2010-08-12T01:05:00.000-07:00

I remember how you were hungry, but you didn't want to eat because you said you needed to be on a diet, though I knew that was an excuse for not spending money.
At that time, I didn't know you that well. We'd have small chit-chat, I'd drool over your artwork, worry about your lack of sleep. You were always such a bubbly and cute character.
Seeing you hungry made me so sad.

I went out with my friends to the market to get food, you had said you didn't want anything.
I knew you were hiding.
So, after seeing what my friend got, that was actually quite a bit for $6, I bought that for you and, wow, it was a lot of food.

I went back and gave you the bag of food. Had a salad, rice, pita bread, salmon and some chicken pieces. I told you, "Eat damit! I know you're hungry and you're so skinny you'd be a pile of bones if you went on a diet. And don't pay me back."

I saw tears well up in your eyes and you didn't say much other than thank you...quite a few times. Then there were a few people who asked you where you got the food because it looked pretty good.

You are the life and inspiration of that room.
You are a nice, caring and bubbly character who brightens up anyone's day...even if we don't know you that well.
People like you need to be treated well.
And I just love seeing people like you happy over the simplest things :3

Bring It All Back

2010-08-11T23:18:00.001-07:00

YEH YEH YEH
Shit was awesome when I was 8.

Settling Down

2010-08-11T01:02:00.001-07:00

I've been through an on and off relationship for 4 years,
Gotten cheated on,
Broken up and broke up,
Rebounds,
Loved without the love to be together,
Juggling 4 crushes at the same time,
A long lasting relationship with a cruel end,
And society still stands in the way.

I think I've gone through enough to wish to settle down...
I may be young...but withal honesty, I feel 35 in my experiences already.
I'm ready to find someone to love and grow old with.
I don't need one night stands or foolish crushes...
I just need someone to love.

Challenges

2010-08-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

I'm stupid enough to like them.

I told you so,

2010-08-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

You never listen, do you?
I told you, you're not ready for such a thing.
I don't give a shit that it hurts,
Now where are you?
You're lost. Again.
It took us days to find a direction and now you're spun around again.
You really want this?
You really think so?

Hear that resonance in your head,
Not of my voice,
But of those who are enraged and saddened by what you do,
Listen to their voice of reason, if you shan't listen to mine.

Two Different Tears

2010-08-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

After all these years,
Tears of joy, years of pain,
Like sunshine and the rain.

Fuck I'm so addicted to this song.

Have a safe trip, BRO!

2010-08-10T00:31:00.001-07:00

HAVE FUN AND BE SAFE.
I LOVE YOU BABY ;]

in other news,
I bought a toque today and I love it.

In other, other news, I stumbled upon this story-of-my-life-song in my iPod.
Oh what good days.
--
Doing my best for you at whatever cost
You have decided to be with him [follow him from now on]
He doesn't know how to love you, but I'm willing to put in the effort to do so.

I've decided to love him. Please wish me happiness.
You are the one who understands that no matter how painful it is, I will not leave.
I'm not scared of being hurt deeply; I'm willing to wait for him.

Still I watch you
I watch you going on the road to the cliffs
He will not release you and only take care of himself.

I am use to loving him. Why do you persist in this when I am not going to retreat.

Be good to you. No one cherishes my goodness.
No one appreciates my goodness. It's because you are used to him, his cover.
I can see that you have never loved me
I know that I cannot be with you or interfere, but maybe that is good for you.

He is very different to you, but still I really love him.
He lets me down and I hear he is a bad person. I hope he says that he loves me.
I am still waiting for this. Maybe it isn't time yet.
If suffering is good, I hear you unhappily complain.
You say that you have such a hard time that you prefer to break up.
I say, how many female leads have also suffered this torture?

The bad circumstance is here　
The day that you believe that he promises that he can do it
He keeps saying that he can do it

I am like you- never take advice. I would rather sacrifice myself than to turn back.

I know you love but I pretend that I do not know. Forgive me, I am unable to be a good person yet.

I can see that you treat me like I am yours.
I treat you as the only reason of my life.

When can you stop being bewitched

What is it so good that you cannot wait?

Why do I do it. No one treasures my goodness.
No one likes that I am good. So I have to learn how to be like him.
I clearly remember we have not kissed
I know that I cannot be with you or interfere, but maybe that is good for you.

I've always known you're good

Not good enough.

He is also good
Returning to him, I want his embrace.

Still, I believe that if I be good, I will get a good return
May be, that day I will understand.